Attention degenerates

So it turns out that some people are actually reading this thing. Not so much friends, acquaintances or well wishers, mind you. My audience mostly consists of disgusting degenerates (hi there! thanks for reading!).

I have determined this fact after analyzing some of the search terms used to find my blog. They include:

  1. Fat Hick
  2. Rat Face
  3. Chin beard styles
  4. Scrooge McDuck Jewish
  5. Gnome in vest with shovel and pipe
  6. Football fan girls urinating

I know what you’re thinking. These stats must reflect as much on me as on my readers. Not so. While some of these terms relate to my site, search engines are not infallible.  I’m sure most of these weirdos were highly disappointed with what they found here at Gnome Chomsky. This is a respectable, dignified blog.

But I got to thinking about how I could go about catering to my newly discovered fans.

I thought about writing an entry about a fat hick with a chin beard and a vest, who hits a fellow named Uncle Scroogstein over the head with a shovel. But I wasn’t sure how to incorporate the urinating football fan girls, so I just gave up.

Instead, I wrote from the heart. Tomorrow, I will present a new entry that does have a little bit to do with Uncle Scrooge but is mostly just filler so people do not think my blog has gone the way of Carefree gum, Cinn-a-Burst or Butterfinger BBs (hint: none of those products exist anymore).

And now you feel old.

Tomorrow: 3 things from my childhood which I just found out were huge ripoffs.

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3 Responses to Attention degenerates

  1. Flannery Wilson says:

    Wait…cinnaburst? Ci-ci-cinnaburst?? Is…gone? I had no idea.

  2. Flannery Wilson says:

    wait…and carefree totally exists!! shut up!

  3. Gareth says:

    I know it’s shocking but totally true. How about Fruitopia, the fake Snapple? Also gone.

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